Creativity – Where Does It Go?

 I was busy pottering around Tate Modern a while back. The new part of it does look amazing, and even after visiting the place for the second time I feel like I have missed much of the art that was on display.

I still have a habit of planning my time off and my trips around different art galleries and museums, but for some reason my own creativity has gone down the pan. And yes, I know that as I type this at 10:30 am on a Sunday morning my creativity should really be directed towards my PhD which is what I am supposed to be writing up right now.

I used to love arts and drawing, but when I realised as a teenager that I was not good enough to make a living out of it, I gave up. Went to a business college instead of an art one, and later went to read totally different things at a University. I currently engage in research that feels somewhat artistic – well, as artistic as researching journalism can be – but there is still a distinct lack of the visual in my life. I have been thinking about how to somehow bring back a more visual approach in my life, and there are some books on art and drawing that are currently sitting on the floor in my room amongst all the books on research and languages I have. And no, I still have not started on my proper studies for my next Korean trip, or getting the basics of Japanese sorted in my head in case I make it there next year as planned.

The big question is about pursuing something when you feel that a.) you’re not good at it, and b.) is not useful. Whether you believe in the Myers-Briggs personality typing, I have tested for many years as an ENTJ. I acknowledge in myself a great sense of not wanting to do things if there is ‘no point’ in doing them, which is where my current lack of creativity partly stems from. Why draw or paint when there is no other reason for it than entertainment? Which also makes no sense to me because I do pursue other things just for the sake of them being ‘fun’. Furthermore, there is no bigger frustration to me than knowing that my capability after years of not drawing does not match what I want it to be. Yes, practice makes perfect, but I have an attention span which is shorter than the time it takes for me to find a pencil in my room.

 I admit, with the Brexit and the future being more than a little unstable, I have been even pondering the idea of going back to University full time, this time studying design. But that is a pipe dream. I still have on my Bucket List the desire to attend actual University entry exams where I am from, just to see if I could make it through and pursue a job that was a childhood dream, but also to experience the preparation for it. Although it feels like I have been a student forever – since 2009, in fact – I have not studies full time since graduating with my undergraduate degree. Maybe it is time to consider student life again, who knows.

But for now the question remains – how to inject creativity into my life? I am already in the process of destroying my Hobonichi  planner for 2017, so that offers some creative outlet. But the question remains – is there a way to be creative AND academic at the same time when the two do not really match up? DO I even want to match the two together since my research is a cause of so much annoyance and frustration because the topic is emotionally heavy? Should I try and ‘lighten up’ the topic by turning some of it into something more ‘fun’? Answers on a postcard, please..

It’s Been A Long Time 

What can I say? In the post-Brexit chaos where a large quantity of my fellow men have exposed themselves to be overtly racist, and where my fellow Europeans have had to fear for their lives – sometimes literally -… There really has been very little to say.  Life really has felt like an effort to try and manage the chaos that ensued. Will I have time to finish my PhD before Brexit happens? Will I finish my PhD before someone bashes my head in? Should I finally get naturalised? Do I even want to? Do I really even want to do anything with my PhD or should I apply to do something else in a different country? 

Questions, questions, and there are no easy answers.  That how life has been. Uncertainty. But, I suppose, even during uncertainty, you need to pull your pants up and face the storm.